absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
