OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
