You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
