explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
