i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
