did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
