Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
