I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
