He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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