you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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