the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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