Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
