That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
