Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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