also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
