No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
