I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
