oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
