I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
