i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
