ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
