ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
