So drunk its hurt
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
