she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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