I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
