chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
