I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
