Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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