why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
