I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
