I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
