I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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