My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
