i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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