She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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