Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
