you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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