I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
