Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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