I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
