someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
