hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
