so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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