at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
