My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
