just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
