Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
