something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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