Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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