She said her name was "party"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
