at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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