I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
