I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
