i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
