Welp...herpes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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