I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
