i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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